I attended the wedding of a very good Uyghur friend recently. The wedding took place at two different restaurants one for the groom’s guests and the other for the bride’s. After arriving at the bride’s restaurant my friend sat down to have a bowl of tea with rock sugar symbolizing a hot and sweet relationship. When they finally were together however the bride kept her gaze straight down in an act of modesty. There were also roses hats a cloth to walk over and a religious ceremony with salt.

近日我参加了一个很要好的维吾尔族朋友的婚礼。婚礼在两个不同的餐厅举行：一个是新郎一方的；另一个是新娘一方的。我的朋友到新娘一方的餐厅以后，坐下喝了一碗糖茶，代表将有又热火又甜蜜的婚姻。但当他和新娘终于在一起的时候，谦虚的新娘一直往下凝视。婚礼上还有玫瑰、花帽、他们走过的一块布，还有盐的宗教礼仪。

Symbols are the language of tradition but a successful marriage is based on communication. I was not so much interested in the symbols of the wedding as the interaction between my friend and his new bride. What surprised me was they barely spoke to each other all day. Even when we returned to his home in the afternoon to rest they stayed separate speaking only with friends of the same sex. No one seemed to think it was strange except for me. Had it been an American wedding the groom would not have left the bride’s side.

象征是传统的语言，但是成功的婚姻建立在沟通上。我对婚礼的象征不太感兴趣，反而吸引我的是朋友和新娘如何彼此对待。令我吃惊的是那天他们彼此很少说话。连下午我们回到他家休息时，他们也分开只与自己同性的朋友聊天。除我外，没人认为奇怪，而在美国的婚礼上，新郎和新娘是形影不离的。

The New York Times printed an article on December 17 2006 titled “ Questions Couples Should Ask Or Wish They Had Before Marrying”. It remained one of the most popular emailed stories for several months. The following are just a few of the questions written by relationship experts. “Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh? Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs preferences and fears? Will there be a television in the bedroom? Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints? Do we like and respect each other’s friends? What does my family do that annoys you? Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage? Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?” 

2006年12月17日《纽约时报》发表了一篇文章《婚姻前夫妻应该或希望问的问题》。几个月后这仍然是《纽约时报》网站上点击率最高的文章之一。下面是文章中被婚姻专家列举的一些问题：“我们是否清楚地了解彼此的经济责任和目标以及我们在省钱和花钱的观念上是否契合一致？我们能够放心而开放地谈到性行为的要求、偏爱和害怕吗？卧室里有没有电视？我们是否彼此衷心而公平地倾听对方的想法和抱怨？我们喜不喜欢并尊不尊敬对方的朋友？我家人做什么使你感到烦恼？在婚礼中有没有我们不愿意放弃的事情？我们彼此对另一方的婚姻许诺完全自信吗？我们是否相信无论面对任何挑战我们的关系都能够保持下来？ ”

I do not think my friend would ever think to ask these kinds of questions? most Americans would not either. These topics are awkward especially for newlyweds. During the dinner party I saw my newly married friends whisper to each other and give each other food when they thought no one was watching. They seem like a very happy couple but I left the wedding wondering in ten or twenty years what questions they wished they had asked before they got married.

我认为我朋友从来不会想到问这类问题。大多数美国人也不会。这些话题令人不舒服，尤其是对新婚的人。晚宴中我看到新婚的朋友和他的新娘窃窃私语并在以为没人看见的时候互相夹菜。他们好像是挺愉快的夫妻，不过我离开婚礼时在思考，10年或20年后他们或许希望在婚礼前应该问对方一些问题。