I once received a book about Confucius. Since it was a children’s book I was able to understand the meaning of the ancient Chinese he used. According to this book the traditional notion of filial piety in Confucianism is quite straight forward. It is the behavior thinking and responsibility of children. Kids’ responsibility is basically to study hard listen to their parents and care for them when they are old. However this book never talked about the responsibility of parents. If I am to learn about Confucianism I would like to start from this point.

我曾收到一本关于孔子的书，因为是儿童书，所以我这个外国人也能理解他所用的古代汉语的意思。在这本书中，儒学的传统概念“孝”很容易懂，孝就是孩子的行为、思维和责任。孩子们的责任基本上是用功学习、听父母的话和赡养父母。不过这本书没谈到家长的责任。如果我学儒学的话，我想从这一点开始。

I have a Chinese-American friend who described the difference between Chinese and American parents in this way When ordering in a restaurant a Chinese parent will simply order the child some apple juice. This is their authority and they are only thinking of the child’s welfare. An American parent on the other hand will do the opposite and let the child decide even if it means taking all day and bothering the waiter. My friend summed up by saying in China children must respect parents but in America parents must respect children.

我的一个美籍华人朋友这样说明美国和中国家长的思维区别：在餐厅点菜时，中国家长干脆给孩子点苹果汁什么的，他们有权威，并为小孩的利益着想。美国家长相反，即使花半天工夫并麻烦服务员，也要让孩子们自己挑选。这个朋友总结说，在中国，孩子要尊重父母，但在美国，父母要尊重孩子。

It is as if for my friend American families have turned filial piety upside down. However I believe his example and conclusion do not fit very well. His explanation of American culture does not completely represent what local Americans think. Even though American parents believe they should respect children this is not to say kids do not need to respect them. This is a given. Americans believe respecting the choices of children is for their own good. It is an important part of their upbringing.

好像对我朋友来说，美国家长把孝颠倒过来了，但是我觉得他的例子和结论有点不对劲。他对美国文化的解释不能完全代表当地美国人的思维方式。尽管我们认为家长应该尊重孩子，但这并不是说孩子不用尊重他们。这一点是没有什么疑问的。美国人认为，尊重孩子的选择就是为了孩子的利益，是培养孩子过程中的一个重要方面。

Modern American culture is one of choices. Whether one is entertaining guests at home or thinking about a major in college providing choices is something everyone should do? it is the polite thing to do. Having a plethora of choices is a reflection of the prosperity of the nation especially in a modern developed economy. It is because the conditions of society allow it that American parents encourage autonomy in children as much as possible. For if they cannot even decide what to drink how in the world will they be able to decide how to pursue their own happiness in the future?

现代美国文化是选择的文化。无论在家里待客还是在大学考虑专业，提供选择是应该的，也是礼貌的。尤其是在现代发达的经济当中，国家繁荣让人们有了更多的选择。因为社会条件如此，美国家长尽量鼓励孩子的主动性。要是孩子连喝什么饮料都决定不了，那长大以后他们怎么决定如何追求自己的快乐？

As Chinese parents try to raise filial children they need to maintain a balance with modern notions of happiness and fulfillment. Traditional ways of raising kids may not produce the desired results in modern society and western methods probably will not be suitable either. So then what is the responsibility of parents? I do not know how Confucianism answers this question but it seems to me to lie in the middle of some very complicated choices.

中国家长在培养孝顺孩子的同时，必须与现代愉快和满意的概念保持平衡。传统培养方式不一定在现代社会中产生预期的效果，而西方培养孩子的方式可能不适合中国。那中国家长的责任究竟是什么？我不知道儒学的答案，但在我看来是在一些很复杂的情形中的取舍。